The holidays are a time for gathering and reconnecting. We catch up with old friends, re-tell old family stories and share conversations around the table.
Yet, the joy of these experiences hinges on our ability to fully participate in them. And participation is much more difficult for those with hearing loss.
Research shows that roughly 13% of children and people 12 and older have lost some hearing in both ears. According to the Hearing Health Association, about half of people will have someone with hearing loss at their gatherings this holiday season.
For anyone hard of hearing, these holiday get-togethers can be a source of anxiety rather than joy. There’s even a name for this experience: “dinner table syndrome.” Fortunately, there are steps both hosts and those suffering from hearing loss can take to regain the joy of reconnecting.
What is dinner table syndrome?
From talking fridges to iPhones, our experts are here to help make the world a little less complicated.
Dinner table syndrome is an experience anyone who has hearing loss can relate to. It’s a feeling that you cannot keep up with the conversation in a group of people, whether you’re at a literal dinner table or simply mingling at a party. While others converse and laugh, you struggle to understand what’s happening and fall behind.
In short, dinner table syndrome is the feeling of being left out. And it can occur long before someone has serious symptoms of hearing loss. They may have no trouble navigating conversations one on one or in a small group but suddenly feel overwhelmed at a bustling party.
“If you have normal hearing, you’re probably pretty used to doing the kind of the exercise of, if you look at somebody, you can kind of focus on what they’re saying,” says Sabrina Lee, Au.D., CCC-A, audiologist at HearUSA. “Then, if you shift your focus to someone else, you start to hear them better, because you’re focusing on what they’re saying better. With hearing loss, our ability to do that goes down.”
According to Lee, dinner table syndrome can show up sooner than other hearing loss symptoms. That’s because interacting at a crowded gathering requires you to tune into high frequencies, and that’s one of the first abilities you lose when your hearing begins to fade.
Much of the background noise at a noisy gathering is low-pitched — the hum of music, the drone of overlapping voices, the clanking of cutlery, etc. Together, these sounds form a muffled din that’s difficult to tune out when someone can’t isolate the higher frequencies of focused conversation.
From talking fridges to iPhones, our experts are here to help make the world a little less complicated.
3 ways to consider your guests with hearing loss this holiday season
Being unable to focus on conversations can suck the joy out of gathering with friends and family. Yet many who have hearing loss aren’t fully aware of what’s happening — or they haven’t admitted it to themselves.
Oftentimes, that puts the responsibility on the hosts and others at the party to create a more inclusive environment that helps those with hearing loss stay engaged.
And no, that doesn’t mean you should just turn up the volume.
“I think most people assume it just means sounds aren’t as loud to them, and therefore they need sounds louder, when a lot of times hearing loss can be a little bit more complex,” Lee says. “It could be a problem with clarity, and it could be an issue of a lot of background noise that can hinder the ability to understand words more so than just sounds not being loud enough.”
Rather than shouting at your hearing-impaired loved ones, here are three ways to make your holiday gatherings more inclusive this holiday season.
Dampen the din
The cacophony of background noises at a holiday party can be overwhelming for someone with even mild hearing loss. Try turning down the music a few notches this year and consider using paper plates and plastic utensils to limit harsh clanking sounds.
Create some quiet spaces
You can take it a step further and carve out a quiet area or two for those who get overwhelmed (sonically or socially) by all the noise. Turn off the music entirely in some rooms to create a more inviting space for quiet conversation.
Want to make these spaces even friendlier to those with hearing loss? Add extra cushions, curtains, and carpeting to absorb sounds and minimize reverberations.
Plan your seating arrangement
Round tables are ideal for those with hearing loss, as they open clear lines of communication. With everyone visible, it’s also easier to catch nonverbal cues.
If a round table doesn’t work for your dining space, consider strategic seating and table arrangements. For instance, place guests who are hard of hearing in the center rather than on the ends and remove visual obstructions like vases so everyone is visible.
How to avoid dinner table syndrome when you gather for the season
The impetus for overcoming hearing loss at parties doesn’t fall entirely on the hosts. While organizers and party-goers can do a lot to include hard-of-hearing guests at gatherings, those with hearing loss must take their own steps to stay connected.
Here are a few tips to help you keep up with the conversation at your next get-together.
Bring a ‘hearing buddy’
If you’re worried about an upcoming gathering, consider inviting someone (or assigning another guest) to be your “hearing buddy.” This person can communicate things others say when you’re unable to hear them.
“It’s kind of their responsibility to repeat things or make sure that you’re involved in the conversation more,” Lee says.
Having a buddy can put you at ease by providing a discrete channel for keeping up with the discussion. If it’s a more formal party, it may help to make your host aware of this arrangement so you can be seated together.
Choose the wall seat at restaurants
Not all holiday gatherings occur at someone’s home and restaurants can take the background noise to another level. If you’re meeting in a public space, see if you can request a table by a wall rather than out in the open. Sitting with your back to the wall can limit the surrounding noise and make it easier to focus on the conversation in front of you.
Wear a hearing aid
This tip may sound obvious, but it often goes unheeded: Take advantage of hearing aids to help you stay connected in group gatherings.
Today, countless over-the-counter and prescription devices are available, from Apple AirPods to advanced hearing aids with Bluetooth microphones you can pass around at the dinner table. Any help, even if it’s imperfect, is worthwhile if it helps you engage with loved ones at these important moments.
According to Lee, 80% of those who suffer hearing loss don’t take advantage of these tools. As a result, many choose isolation over connection during times like the holidays. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Help others stay connected this holiday season
No one should feel left out during the holidays — especially not when they choose to show up. As you look toward your next gathering, it may help to keep Lee’s advice in mind:
“Hearing and being with family at any time during your life, not just the holidays, it follows the same rules as improv comedy does,” she says. “In improv comedy, one of the main rules is you have to make your partner look good, and you have to support your partner in whatever it is that they need. And I think that with someone with hearing loss, it’s the same exact thing. If you are communicating with someone with hearing loss, your job is to make sure your partner is engaged, and your partner looks good, your partner is involved in this scenario, not facing any troubles.”
That’s good guidance for anyone looking to spread the holiday cheer this year.